When Survival Overshadows Living

resist Survival Mode

In the complex landscape of human relationships, there exists a profound psychological state that can silently erode connections and personal well-being: survival mode. This isn't just about physical survival, but a mental and emotional state where an individual is so overwhelmed by life's challenges that they can no longer thrive—they can only exist.

Understanding Survival Mode

Survival mode is a psychological defense mechanism triggered by prolonged stress, trauma, or chronic challenges. It's a state where an individual is purely focused on getting through each day, minimizing pain, and protecting themselves from perceived threats.

Unlike healthy coping mechanisms, survival mode manifests through a cluster of debilitating symptoms: emotional shutdown and detachment that walls off feelings, hypervigilance and constant anxiety that keeps the nervous system on high alert, an inability to engage in meaningful connections that isolates the individual, reactive rather than proactive behavior that eliminates planning and intention, and survival instincts that override rational thinking and emotional intelligence, reducing complex decision-making to primitive fight-or-flight responses. This state essentially transforms a person into a defensive, guarded version of themselves, where self-preservation consumes all available mental and emotional resources, leaving nothing for growth, joy, or authentic human connection.

how do we Recognizethe Signs of Survival Mode

Emotional Indicators

Survival mode reveals itself through distinct emotional indicators that signal a mind in constant protection mode. Persistent emotional numbness serves as an unconscious shield, while extreme defensiveness emerges at the slightest perception of threat. Those caught in this state demonstrate a profound inability to express vulnerability, remaining in a constant state of high alert that exhausts the nervous system. Perhaps most telling is their minimal emotional range or reactivity, as though the full spectrum of human emotion has been temporarily disabled to conserve energy for perceived dangers.

Behavioral Red Flags

The behavioral red flags of survival mode are equally revealing in their disruption of normal functioning. Extreme self-preservation behaviors dominate decision-making, while maintaining long-term relationships becomes nearly impossible as trust remains elusive. Those affected chronically avoid deeper emotional conversations, protecting themselves from potential hurt through disconnection. Rapid mood shifts occur as the nervous system fluctuates between fight, flight, and freeze responses. Additionally, the inability to plan for the future reflects how survival mode traps individuals in an eternal present of constant crisis management, where tomorrow seems too uncertain to consider.

Psychological Markers

through interconnected psychological symptoms that create a self-reinforcing cycle of suffering. A heightened stress response keeps the body flooded with cortisol, while chronic anxiety maintains constant vigilance against perceived threats. These combine with depression-like symptoms that drain motivation and joy, alongside critically low emotional resilience that makes even minor setbacks feel catastrophic. Perhaps most damaging is the persistent difficulty trusting others, which prevents the very connections that could help break this cycle of isolation and fear. This psychological state transforms the world into a place of constant danger, where self-protection becomes the primary focus at the expense of growth, connection, and fulfillment.

The Devastating Impact on Relationships

Let's get real for a moment. When someone's stuck in survival mode, their relationships become this intricate web of emotional landmines. It's like they've built this impenetrable fortress around their heart, and genuine connection? That becomes nearly impossible. The protective mechanism they've developed is so intense that it literally suffocates any chance of true intimacy and growth.

Romantic Relationships: A Heartbreaking Dance of Disconnection

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who's emotionally checked out. That's survival mode in a romantic context. They're constantly unavailable, like this invisible wall exists between you. Vulnerability? Forget about it. They're terrified of being truly seen, so they oscillate between pushing you away and pulling you close. Trust becomes this fragile, almost mythical concept. The relationship becomes this exhausting push-pull dynamic where stability feels like a distant dream. Every interaction is a minefield of unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment.

Friendships: The Superficial Connection Trap

Friendships aren't immune to survival mode's destructive power. Communication becomes this sporadic, unpredictable thing. One moment they're there, the next – complete radio silence. Emotional depth? That's been replaced by surface-level interactions that feel more like transactions than genuine connections. Supporting each other becomes impossible because they're so focused on self-preservation. Toxic patterns start to emerge, and those beautiful, nurturing friendships slowly transform into these weird, codependent interactions that drain everyone involved.

Family Dynamics: The Generational Wound

Family relationships might be the most heartbreaking arena of survival mode. Communication breaks down completely. Conflict becomes the primary language, with emotional neglect running deep beneath the surface. It's like watching a painful cycle of trauma being passed down, generation after generation. Each family member becomes a walking wound, unable to break free from the survival patterns that have defined their existence.

How Survival Mode Takes Root

Survival mode doesn't just happen overnight. It's born from a complex landscape of pain and survival. Childhood trauma, prolonged abuse, chronic stress – these aren't just words, they're deep, transformative experiences that reshape how someone interacts with the world. Financial instability can trigger it. Persistent threats, whether emotional or physical, create this constant state of high alert. Unresolved mental health issues simmer beneath the surface, and significant life transitions can be the final push into pure survival mode.

Protecting Yourself: A Compassionate Approach

Supporting Someone in Survival Mode

Here's the tough love part: you cannot rescue someone from survival mode. Period. Your job isn't to fix them, but to maintain crystal-clear boundaries. Practice compassionate detachment – love them, support them, but understand that their healing is their journey. Encourage professional help, but don't make it your mission to save them. The most radical act of love? Prioritizing your own mental health.

If You Recognize Survival Mode in Yourself

Healing starts with radical honesty. Seek professional therapeutic support like your life depends on it – because, in many ways, it does. Mindfulness isn't just a trendy concept; it's a lifeline. Develop self-awareness, work on healing those deep-seated traumas, and start building emotional intelligence. Create an environment that supports your healing, not one that keeps you stuck. Learn coping mechanisms that nurture, not just survive.

The Path to Healing: A Gentle Revolution

Transitioning from survival to thriving isn't a quick fix. It's a journey of professional support, consistent self-work, and infinite patience. Rebuild your emotional capacity gradually. Create environments that feel safe, not threatening. Learn attachment styles that heal, not harm. It's about rewiring decades of survival programming, one gentle moment at a time.

Final Thoughts: You Are More Than Survival

Listen closely: survival mode is not your life sentence. It's a chapter, not the entire book. With awareness, support, and dedicated effort, you can move from merely existing to absolutely living. Recognize the signs, offer compassionate support – to yourself and others – and understand that healing isn't a destination. It's a beautiful, messy, ongoing process.

Remember this: You deserve so much more than survival. You deserve to thrive, to bloom, to shine in ways you've never imagined possible.

The Princess Treatment

Honoring Your Crown Before Anyone Else Can

There's a revolution happening in the spirits of women who've finally understood that the princess treatment isn't something to beg for – it's something we give ourselves first. I've watched too many queens dim their light waiting for someone else to recognize their shine, when the power was in their hands all along…Let me break this down for you.

Morning Rituals: The Foundation of Self-Royalty

Your day begins the moment consciousness kisses your eyelids. This is where the magic starts, where you set the intention that carries you.

When I transformed my mornings, I transformed my life. My bedroom became my sanctuary – not just clean, but intentional. Fresh sheets changed weekly. Scents that lift my spirit. A room that whispers "you deserve beauty" before anyone else gets a chance to tell me otherwise.

Those plush slippers waiting by your bed? That's you telling yourself "your comfort matters." The water on your nightstand? That's you saying "your body's needs come first." These aren't luxuries – they're declarations.

The Body Temple: Maintenance of Magnificence

Listen, when I started treating my body like the sacred vessel it is, the world responded differently. Working out isn't punishment – it's communion with the only home your soul will ever have in this lifetime.

Five days a week, I move this body with intention. Some days it's gentle, some days it burns, but it's always with gratitude. Each drop of sweat is an offering to myself, a promise that I'm worth the effort.

Those vitamins you're taking? That lemon water blessing your system first thing? That's not just health – that's self-respect in tangible form. You're telling your body, "I see what you need, and I'm showing up for you."

Presentation: The Armor of Queens

Baby, when I tell you getting dressed every day shifted something in my spirit – believe me. Even with nowhere to go, I put myself together. Not for the random person I might encounter, but for the woman I see in the mirror.

Your manicured nails aren't frivolity – they're evidence of attention to detail. Your skincare routine isn't vanity – it's consistency and commitment to yourself. That signature scent? It's not for them – it's the aromatic reminder of your presence, even to yourself.

The Ripple Effect: How Self-Honor Attracts Its Match

What fascinates me most is how the universe mirrors our self-treatment back to us. I lived both realities – the woman who accepted crumbs and the woman who feeds herself the whole feast.

When I began treating myself like royalty, suddenly doors opened. People responded differently. Opportunities emerged. Not because I changed for others, but because I changed what I permitted.

The man who once would have been given access to my kingdom without proving himself worthy now stands at the gate, demonstrating his value. The friend who drained my energy without reciprocity now finds boundaries where once there were none.

Your Turn to Reign

I want you to ask yourself tonight: If I were my own most precious beloved, how would I treat myself tomorrow morning? What would I no longer tolerate? What would I begin to expect?

Write it down. Make it real. Then wake up and give yourself the princess treatment – not because you're entitled, but because you're worthy.

The crown was always yours. It's time you wore it.

The Power of Detachment

A Skill Worth Mastering

We all know the word "detachment," but it may mean different things to each of us. In my experience, I've found detachment to be an extremely valuable skill that comes naturally to me. I believe that knowing when to detach from situations, people, or outcomes is crucial for personal growth and mental wellbeing.

What Is Healthy Detachment?

Detachment doesn't mean not caring or being cold-hearted. Rather, it's about maintaining a healthy emotional distance that allows you to:

• Make clear-headed decisions without being clouded by excessive emotion

• Let go of things that no longer serve your highest good

• Avoid being controlled by others' opinions or actions

• Maintain your sense of self in relationships

• Accept what you cannot change

• The Benefits of Knowing When to Detach

Detachment can help you decipher great decisions and move on from things that no longer serve you. Knowing when, where, and how to detach can take you far in life, both personally and professionally.

Some mental health professionals might suggest that detachment can harm relationships, but I respectfully disagree. There's a significant difference between healthy detachment and avoidance or dismissiveness. Healthy detachment allows you to remain engaged while not becoming enmeshed or codependent.

How to Practice Healthy Detachment

1. Recognize your attachments: Notice when you're clinging too tightly to outcomes, people's approval, or specific expectations.

2. Separate facts from feelings: When facing a decision, distinguish between emotional reactions and objective reality.

3. Set appropriate boundaries: Clearly communicate what you will and won't accept in relationships and situations.

4. Practice mindfulness: Stay present and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

5. Let go of control: Accept that many things are beyond your control, and focus your energy on what you can influence.

The Art of Knowing When to Detach

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Detachment becomes particularly valuable when:

• You find yourself obsessing over outcomes you can't control

• Your emotional wellbeing is tied too closely to another person's actions

• You're staying in situations that consistently drain your energy

• You're making decisions based on fear rather than clarity

By mastering the skill of detachment, you free yourself to make choices aligned with your values rather than reactions to external circumstances. You gain the ability to walk away from toxic situations and relationships without excessive guilt or second-guessing.

The next time you feel overwhelmed by a situation or relationship, ask yourself: "Would a little detachment serve me better here?" The answer might surprise you, and the results could be transformative.

The Birth of an Empire

Where My Entrepreneur Journey Began

In the quiet moments between struggle and triumph, seeds of ambition take root. My story begins not with silver spoons, but with the word "no" – a word that would eventually fuel an empire.

My mother's hands told a story – calloused from working full-time, gentle when they could be, but firm in their reality. A single parent raising twin daughters, her "no" wasn't rejection but protection, a shield against expectations the world wouldn't fulfill for Black girls with dreams bigger than their circumstances. I didn't understand then what I know with bone-deep certainty now: those "no's" were preparing me for a world that wouldn't hand me anything I didn't create for myself.

My father lived in another state – present yet absent, an entrepreneur whose shadow stretched across my childhood imagination. His hair salon business painted him as royalty in my young mind. I'd watch him move through the world with ownership in his stride, a walking testament to creating something from nothing. But with his entrepreneur spirit came the bitter taste of waiting – for gifts promised but forgotten, for attention diverted by hustle. That disappointment carved hollow spaces in me that only self-reliance could fill.

Between my mother's necessary "no" and my father's unintentional disappointments, I discovered a truth that would define me: if I wanted something in this world, I would need to manifest it myself.

At seven, South Carolina summers at my grandmother's house became my first classroom in economic independence. When a quarter wasn't enough and fifty cents barely satisfied childhood cravings for snowballs and chips, innovation sparked. My twin sister and I borrowed lemons from grandmother's refrigerator, commandeered a pitcher, and set up our first venture at the top of the road. Our sugarless lemonade didn't exactly draw crowds, but those first earned coins whispered possibilities that would echo through decades.

By middle school, while other girls waited for permission to reinvent themselves, I was studying Mary J. Blige's revolutionary aesthetics, teaching myself to recreate looks my hard-working mother couldn't prioritize. These self-taught skills transformed into currency by high school, where my reputation for pinups, roll sets, French rolls, and stacked ponytails had classmates seeking me out. Entrepreneurship found me before I had a name for it – a pager with code 300 signaling hair appointments, my after-school hours transformed into revenue streams.

When my mother tired of the constant foot traffic, she surrendered the basement to my vision. At fifteen, in 1995, I built my first real salon from the ground up – two dryers, a dedicated waiting area, professional-grade shampoo bowls, and high-quality products. Clients entered through the basement door, never disturbing the household above, while I cleared $300 weekly – a fortune in the hands of a teenage girl who was just beginning to understand the power of creating something from nothing.

That basement salon was more than a business; it was prophecy. It foretold twenty years of entrepreneurship that would follow – two decades of building, falling, rising, and ultimately creating signature looks and colors for women entrepreneurs who, like me, understand that ownership is the ultimate freedom.

Success didn't descend like blessing; I climbed to meet it, stumbling countless times, sometimes wanting to abandon the path entirely. But the basement calling always pulled me back, reminding me that my hands were meant to create beauty and my spirit was designed for independence.

This is where empires begin – not in boardrooms or inheritance, but in basement dreams and the stubborn belief that "no" is just the universe testing how badly you want to say "yes" to yourself.

Reclaiming My Temple

11 Days Into My Fasting Journey

There's something powerful about intentional hunger. Not the kind that comes from lack, but the kind you choose – the hunger that reminds you that you're in control of what enters your body and your life.

Today marks my 11th day of fasting, and I'm feeling a clarity I haven't known in years. Since March 1st, I've been observing a sunrise-to-sunset fast. When that sun comes up, my eating stops. When darkness falls, I break my fast – not with whatever's convenient, but with clean, intentional nutrition. High protein meals. Chicken salads. Steak. Eggs. Nothing processed. No refined sugars trying to masquerade as joy.

The alcohol had to go too. I got tired of that heavy fog the morning after, that dragging feeling even after just one drink. My body was speaking, and for once, I decided to actually listen.

This journey isn't just about what's not going into my body – it's about what is filling my mind during those hungry hours. Deep thought. Emotional control. Intentions. I sit with myself and plan how I want to emerge from this period changed. Not just thinner or healthier, but fundamentally shifted in how I approach life.

My workouts have intensified. My energy – despite eating less – has somehow multiplied. But the most profound change has been in my boundaries. I'm becoming ruthlessly selective about the conversations I entertain and the energy I allow near me. If you're not aligned with where I'm trying to go, I simply don't have space for you right now. That might sound harsh, but this season is teaching me that some harvests only come after pruning.

The hunger pangs remind me throughout the day that discipline isn't punishment – it's protection. Each time my stomach growls, I'm reminded that I'm building something new, brick by brick, day by day. My body is becoming a temple again, not a convenience store where any craving gets satisfied without question.

This fast is teaching me patience. It's showing me how much noise food and drink were making in my life. In the quiet spaces between meals, I'm hearing my own voice again – not the voice of comfort-seeking or quick fixes, but the deeper voice of purpose.

I don't know exactly who I'll be when this fasting season ends, but I know they'll be someone who understands their power. Someone who realizes that hunger – physical, spiritual, and emotional – isn't always something to be immediately satisfied, but sometimes a teacher whose lessons you need to sit with awhile.

The sun will set again today, and I'll eat. But something tells me that this temporary hunger is feeding parts of me that food never could.

The Power of a Mighty Circle: Women Who Rise & Build Together

Spend Time With Women Who Bring Out Your Magic, Not The Madness

There was a time when my heart was like an open house – doors unlocked, lights always on, welcoming anyone who needed shelter from their own storms. I'd empty my pockets, clear space in my closet, reorganize my whole life just to make room for friendships that, if I'm being honest with myself, were draining the very essence of who I was becoming.

That version of me? She was beautiful in her openness. But she was also drowning.

See, I've learned something about energy that nobody tells you when you're young: it transfers. It mingles. It transforms. When you sit with dreamers, your imagination expands. When you build with builders, your hands learn new skills. And when you cry with the chronically wounded who refuse their own healing? Baby, you start bleeding from cuts you never even had.

I used to pride myself on loving without judgment. No career? I see you. No stability? I understand you. Patterns of chaos that follow you like a shadow? I'll love you through it.

But there came a moment – standing in my power as a woman who's been creating her own opportunities since 26, navigating motherhood, and learning the delicate art of partnership – when I realized that some friendships were keeping me tethered to versions of myself I had outgrown.

The hard truth? People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves.

When your conversation shifts from gossip to growth, from problems to possibilities, from who hurt you to how you're healing – you need women who speak that language fluently, not those still learning the alphabet.

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This isn't about superiority. It's about frequency. About recognizing that the women who truly love your evolution won't ask you to shrink your voice to make their echoes sound louder.

My circle now? Smaller but mighty. Women who've weathered their own storms and emerged not just surviving but sculpting something beautiful from the aftermath. Women who understand that entrepreneurship isn't just a career choice but a mindset that bleeds into everything you touch. Women who've done the shadow work required to mother whole children and build whole relationships.

The magic happens in these spaces – where ambition meets accountability, where dreams meet discipline, where we can be gloriously imperfect together without becoming each other's excuses.

Choose wisely, love. Your spirit is too precious to be spent on connections that require you to be less so others can feel like more.

The Art of Friendship Curation: Why Your Circle Determines Your Ceiling

There comes a point in life when you realize that friendship isn't just about who makes you laugh or who's been around the longest. It's about energy alignment, shared vision, and mutual elevation. Let me take you through my journey of friendship evolution – from giving everything without boundaries to creating a circle that reflects my growth.

I used to be that friend – the one with an endless supply of compassion, resources, and understanding. My heart beat with unfiltered empathy, and I would literally give you the clothes off my back, slide you money when you were struggling, all while asking for nothing in return. My friendship came without judgment – no kids? No career? No husband? Caught cheating? It didn't matter to me. I saw your humanity first and circumstances second.

But life has seasons, and I've entered a new one.

Now I understand something profound: people can only relate to you through the lens of their own experience. When I speak of business challenges as someone who's been an entrepreneur since 26 (honestly, even earlier than that), I need someone who understands that particular hunger, that specific struggle. When I discuss balancing motherhood with ambition, I need someone who's walked that tightrope. When I reflect on relationship dynamics, I need someone who's done the work to build something sustainable.

The conversations are different. The mindset is different. The energy exchange is different.

This isn't about elitism – it's about alignment. About recognizing that while everyone deserves compassion, not everyone deserves proximity. I've learned that your innermost circle should reflect where you're going, not just where you've been.

As a businesswoman who takes her growth seriously, I've had to make peace with outgrowing certain connections. Some friendships were seasonal, some were lessons, and some were blessings that simply reached their natural conclusion. And that's okay.

Your circle determines your ceiling. The five people closest to you shape your thinking, influence your decisions, and either fuel or drain your momentum. Choose wisely, with intention rather than convenience.

I still love deeply – that hasn't changed. But now, that love comes with boundaries, with standards, with the wisdom to know that sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone (and yourself) is to love them from a distance.

LIFE IN YOUR 40'S: THE SWEET SPOT OF SOVEREIGNTY

There's something magical about entering your 40's that nobody really prepares you for. Let me take you there for a minute.

Remember how we used to rush through life like it was some kind of race? Running from meeting to meeting, trying to prove ourselves in boardrooms, chasing other people's definitions of success? Baby, let me tell you about this different kind of rhythm I'm living in now.

See, your 40's hit different. It's like finally exhaling after holding your breath for two decades. Those designer bags I used to chase? They don't hit the same when you've finally designed your own peace of mind. These days, luxury lives in the small moments – in saying "no" without explaining myself, in choosing solitude over draining social obligations, in wearing what makes ME feel good regardless of what the trends say.

Let's talk about this confidence though. It's not the kind you put on like makeup or practice in front of mirrors. This is soul-deep assurance that comes from surviving your own storms and learning to dance in the rain. Every gray hair? That's wisdom earned. These laugh lines? They tell stories of joy that no Botox could ever improve.

In my 20's, I was trying to fit in. In my 30's, I was trying to stand out. But now? Now I'm just standing in my truth, and baby, the view from here is magnificent. I've learned that power isn't about controlling everything – it's about knowing what deserves your energy and what needs to be released back to the universe.

You want to know the real glow-up of your 40's? It's the moment you realize that all those things you thought were flaws were actually your superpowers in disguise. That sensitivity that people called "too much"? That's your gift for deep connection. That stubbornness they criticized? That's the backbone that kept you standing when life tried to knock you down.

Here's what they don't tell you: your 40's are when you finally understand that life isn't happening to you – it's responding to you. Every morning when I look in the mirror, I don't see what needs to be fixed anymore. I see a woman who's weathered her storms with grace, who's turned her scars into stars, who's learned that her worth isn't up for debate.

And the relationships? They hit different too. You stop trying to keep everybody and start treasuring those who stayed. Your tribe becomes smaller but stronger, like fine wine – aged to perfection and best enjoyed in meaningful moments.

So to all my sisters stepping into or thriving in their 40's – welcome to the sweet spot of sovereignty. This is where we stop apologizing for taking up space, where we wear our experiences like the crown jewels they are, and where we finally understand that the most beautiful thing we can be is unapologetically ourselves.

Your 40's aren't about getting older – they're about getting bolder. And trust me, the revolution starts the moment you realize that you're not just aging, you're ascending.

Welcome to the elevation, beloved. The view from here? Absolutely breathtaking.

A Love Letter to Your Soul: A Valentine's Day Truth

Baby, let me tell you something real about this February love season. While the world's wrapped up in chocolate hearts and dinner reservations, I'm here to talk about a different kind of romance the one between you and your own beautiful spirit.

I've watched too many souls dim their light waiting for someone else to flip the switch. Seen too many hearts treating themselves like temporary housing instead of the sacred temple they are. That emptiness you're trying to fill with another person's love? That's holy ground waiting for you to claim it.

Truth is, self-love ain't just about those aesthetic self-care moments though if fancy bath bombs and scented candles speak to your spirit, do you. It's deeper than that. It's about sitting with yourself in those 3 AM moments when the world gets quiet and whispering "I got you" and meaning it with everything you've got.

I remember when my reflection felt like a stranger, those days when mirrors felt like judgment. The journey from there to here? Baby, it wasn't pretty. It wasn't social media worthy. It was messy, raw, and real. It was learning to celebrate my wins without an audience, and holding myself gentle through the losses without reaching for numbing distractions.

Here's what they don't put on the greeting cards: loving yourself is revolutionary. In a world that profits off your self-doubt, choosing to love yourself fully is an act of rebellion. It's understanding that your worth ain't up for negotiation, whether you're single, partnered, or somewhere in between.

This Valentine's Day, I dare you to flip the script. Take yourself on that date you've been waiting for someone else to plan. Write yourself that love letter you've been hoping to receive. Look in that mirror and see what I see a soul that's weathered storms and still chooses to dance in the rain.

Because loving yourself isn't selfish - it's necessary. It's the foundation everything else builds on. It's knowing that you're not just worthy of love, you're worthy of your own love first.

So today, while everyone's focused on proving their love to others, prove it to yourself. Sit with your shadows and your light. Celebrate your growth and forgive your stumbles. Remember that you're not just surviving - you're authoring your own love story, one self-accepting moment at a time.

And trust me, once you start loving yourself with that same intensity you've been saving for someone else? That's when the real magic happens. That's when you realize that February 14th ain't got nothing on the love affair you can have with your own soul, 365 days a year.

Keep shining, keep growing, keep loving - starting with yourself.

P.S. Share below one thing you love about yourself. Let's start this revolution together.